Monday, September 30, 2013
Week #2 - Tool #2-- Relax the VOJ and Leadership Style
We hope you enjoyed the class.
Have fun this week with efforts to control the VOJ... Keeping a journal is especially helpful as you experience and observe judgments of all kinds with a new sense of understanding. Do try to gain experience with the VOJ, rather than intellectualizing about whether "judgment" is good or bad... By our definition, the VOJ is dysfunctional.
We promised you would be “changed” by week #2… What do you think? If you truly engage with your efforts in observing and “Relaxing the VOJ” you WILL see the world and your interactions in a new light. Let us know your experiences.
We also discussed Leadership Styles and the Manager as Artist. Continue to notice what leadership style your boss/parent uses, its effectiveness, and whether a different combination of styles might work better. As a leader yourself, consider what your natural styles are and how they support your own internal values. Finally, how did you react to the “Manager as Artist”? Does this framework help you see how things operate?
Nothing is off-limits. Post any other thoughts that you feel would benefit your class mates.
Cheers,
Julie & Hal
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
As luck would have it, I was given two additional tools this week to assist with my VOJ "relaxing". 1. A heavy travel schedule pushing me into unfamiliar environments with a turned-around schedule. This resulted in distraction where the VOJ was not able to be as noisy as usual. 2. (Likely related to #1), I came down with a very nasty cold. This resulted in the need to slow down coupled with a slightly fuzzy mind.
ReplyDeleteIn journaling, reflecting and in particular through reading chapter 4, I see that both of these gave me a kind of easing, from the regular prominence and frequency with which the VOJ normally speaks. In the easing of VOJ, resulting both from circumstance and awareness, there was heightened clarity around the destructive nature of that chattering. To apply the idea of sculptural thinking from "Manager as Artist," these two "tools" propelled me to look at my VOJ from alternate perspectives.
So, personal observations around VOJ relaxing that I found most effective were to, first, write down the VOJ (they tend to look silly and illogical on paper) and, second, when the VOJ is fierce, it helps to apply the sculptural thinking and look at that judgement from a different angle, or alternatively, to change the lens. The lenses of unfamiliar environments & schedules and of slowing down, all proved to be useful (although unpleasant) lessons. The challenge then becomes taking these lessons into the regularity and pattern of life and choosing alternate filters to tame the VOJ.
A final note about the coupling of VOJ easing with suspension of expectations is an observation that I had failed to suspend expectations for myself last week. I had applied the lesson largely to others or to circumstances. There is another layer of the suspension of expectations that I can improve upon by also giving myself the same courtesy I had been extending externally. I now see that layering these "live withs" will add new meaning to the prior week's heuristic.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh a final comment... remember that I said that I had given the article "Leadership That Gets Results" to my manager in an attempt to find a common understanding about manager above both of us? I was surprised to discover that my manager did not come to the same conclusion as I had. He identified our common manager as coercive while I had pinpointed pacesetter. Either conclusion is, admittedly, unflattering and clearly not ideal. That said, upon reflection I see now that the manager in question is actually using the variation in styles to manage each of us. It makes for interesting thinking around the implications of his leadership choice with each of us. In other words, what does it say about his assessment of each of us in terms of his belief around our leadership abilities? I will have to marinate a bit more on this topic to form a conclusion.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I am starting to realize through this class is that... as weird as this sounds... I'm not as "special" as what I think. And by that I mean that I find I put very high expectations on myself and always try to perform better than others. I always thought my inner voice was a lot harsher than others. But after hearing others in class talk about their VOJ, I am realizing that many people have this same inner chatter. And from that I am starting to learn that I need to calm down a little and trust my instincts. Calming the VOJ doesn't mean that I'm going to become lazy and stop striving, but it just takes away the unrealistic expectations I find I put on myself (more than what I originally thought!).
ReplyDeleteReflecting on my VOJ, I never really thought it was as present as it was until I realized it was often disguised as the “voice of excuses/reason” the one that tells you the many “good” reasons why you should not do something. I then realized how present it was in my life and how hard it is to quiet it down. I found that meditation helped, but ultimately the challenge has been to discern the VOJ from the VOI which has been harder than I thought.
ReplyDeleteLast week, I also tried to analyse which type of leader my boss was, and noticed he was using a combinations of the leadership styles, but looking specifically at my relationship with him, it started off as him using a more coercive style at times towards me. I think that with time and working closer together I was able to make him realize that this was not a style that was going to work well with me. He is now using a more affiliative/democratic style and our working relationship is all the better for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm always making self judgments, but I usually think about that as a good thing, "judge yourself before judging the others" right? Well, once I accepted the challenge of trying to control my VOJ, I realized that I'm way too critical, and being that critical end up being more a fault than a virtue.
ReplyDeleteSo, first of all, I noticed that my VOJ have been an obstacle on my way to improve the English. Everytime I'm speaking a different language I find myself making lots of judgments that makes me stutter. Always thinking if I said something wrong, or what the other person might be thinking on my mistakes.
Even to write on the blog. I spent a long time thinking if I should write, what should I write, and what if I write something wrong (but challenge is challenge, so here I am).
Apart of the language's issue, my work on a creative area is kind of tricky to these exercise, cuz we're always idealizing, criticizing and EXPECTING thing to work just as you'd once planned. Also, we're dealing with people's expectations, so the VOJ seem to be something natural, "if you don't do that yourself, someone will". And, even, when the intuition is one of your main tools of work, how do we use the objetive inteligence instead of the judgment, since you're working with something that isn't even rational?
Specially because these "voice on your head" sometimes seem to work really well and sometimes just take you to the wrongest direction.
So, how can we know if that voice on your head is you making judgments, you being reasonable, or just intuition?
As I have been “living with” heightened VOJ awareness during this past week, I found that language is a powerful indicator of VOJ. By following the recommended language substitution exercises, it was clear that I was either “choosing to” or “choosing not to”. It is also important to recognize the difference between “want” and “need”. These guiding perspectives have been extremely helpful in raising my awareness of VOJ, and with this awareness I have been able to diminish VOJ frequency/impact.
ReplyDeleteIt was enlightening to read (and re-read) the articles in the context of VOJ. For example, “Leadership is a Conversation” stresses the importance of leveraging personal communications to improve employee engagement and alignment. In order to establish trust and authenticity in these communications, it is important to minimize (or eliminate) VOJ. As I have been practicing the four elements of organizational communication (intimacy, interactivity, inclusion, intentionality) this past week with the teams, the VOJ mitigation exercises have helped to improve the overall quality of our communications. I have found that by staying focused on guiding the structure of the communications, the teams are able to take a more active role in developing the content, which in turn enhances overall engagement.
ReplyDeleteReading through all of the comments, there is so much I can relate to. Like Kathryn, I also came down with a bad cold, which of course never comes at the right time. But I was forced to slow down and focus on my health, which helped me to put things into perspective a bit more, become calm and realize that there really is no need to stress out about certain things. A few years ago, I practiced meditation on a regular basis, and I remember it made me more relaxed, more efficient in my job, to an extent that other people started to notice it. So, that's definitely a great technique to relax the VOJ. I started practicing again and already notice a change. A few weeks ago, I took a class at work, where they talked about the so-called "mind sweep" (similar to journaling): writing down whatever is going on in your head. You transfer the clutter from your head to paper. When you look at the paper, indeed some things may look silly, like someone mentioned in one of their comments. It also helps to prioritize tasks. But the best part is that you'll feel more relaxed and less anxious. For me, exercising is a great way to relax the VOJ, or simply doing anything I really enjoy. However, it's more difficult to relax the VOJ when I'm at work. I guess it will get better over time as I practice with the tools from this class.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, I also noticed the VOJ of people around me. A coworker was about to have a meeting with a manager and he told me: "Oh, he's probably going to say this and that....". I told him he can't possibly know how the meeting is going to go or what he's going to say unless he has a crystal ball! I think worrying like this is such a waste of energy of focus.
As for leadership styles, I enjoyed reading "Leadership that gets results", and learn about the different leadership styles. I recognize that upper management in our company seems to apply the combination of authoritative, affiliative, democratic, and coaching.
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteI hope you had a good week. I was wondering on how to eventually report my experience trying to relax the VOJ.
When we started to mention the VOJ I thought I knew what it was.
I think the experience is -and there is no long essay to write here- I feel more "myself". I feel closer to who I am inside, in a way that I am certainly more confident in what I think and do, and decide. The second aspect is that I certainly act with more freedom. The only freedom I took was mine already, the VOJ must have been using that space for a while!
During last week, I noticed that my messages and directions were probably more inspired, and better listened. There was an obvious benefit in some important private conversations.
As a fresh beginner (relaxing the VOJ), I felt more exposed than usual. With more freedom, every situation led to a wider range of choices, more risk, than usual. But I think it was balanced by the gain in self confidence.
Looking forward to read about your experience.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi classmates!
ReplyDeleteMy VOJ-journey is making progress. This week I worked with my VOJ and it had me to participate in a Female Networking session that JP Morgan arrange. I went to this roundtable lunch entitled ”In search of Financial Sustainability”. I don´t know anything about when our investment assets become a ”sustainable” resource or how we recognize when we are on or the right track… But because I attended this event I know much more and met with a bunch of interesting people!
Talking about creativity in leadership (Manager as Artist) feels a bit stressful in my mind. Maybe, it is the word ”creativity” that makes me react in a negative way. I think the leader should definately use the ”Visonary style/authoritative” and have the team/company ”come with me” approach. But in a way it is hard to always be creative. Sometimes, I think, people just need to relax and be in their comfort zone and develop in their own pace. Workshops with brainstorming is a title I prefer – you do not put any pressure on the participants – and the leader should ask the right questions that make the team being creative without knowing…
I really like the article: Leadership is a conversation! I think it is extreamly important to include people. Not have the ”us and them” feeling, will include employeers and if people feels included in a decision they will work so much harder to reach the goal. Gaining trust, listen well, getting personal, having brand amassadors sounds so right for me. Since I have been working as a consultant the last 8 years I know how important it is fo feel included.
Looking forward to tonights lesson and discussions!
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteA couple month ago, I had started my spiritual journey through participating in philosophy school. Like my favorite author Joseph Campbell said " hero's journey" which raised up from my deep within. It was the point in my life when I noticed that everything is going to change. ME is a false image of ourselves. ME is a creature of imaginings, false and inconstant. I realized that I always denied my true self. Only the desire for truth, can free us from the selfish ego. All judgements and negative feelings and thoughts are our habitual response to events and people who are not at the same way that we want them to be. I have learned that in order to discover the truth about ourselves, we must give up what is false. Our mind has developed into something that always compare, judge, and criticize. When I didn't have any awareness I didn't notice how busy it was all the time. Through my philosophy class I get to know my real self and the function of my brain. Our mind has great power and can be either bridge or a barrier to higher consciousness. During my practice in school I suddenly become aware of all the movements of the mind, the judgements, the criticisms, the sound of the ego. I am very grateful that I can see, and my teacher says this is the beginning of awareness. At the end I would like to share one of my favorite passage. I hope you enjoy it.
" Empty yourself of everything. Let the mind become still. The ten thousand things rise and fall. While the self watches their return. They grow and flourish and then return to the source. Returning to the source is stillness, which is the way of nature"
Lao Tze, Tao Te Ching